This morning, there is a giant penis on top of the wine cabinet.
There have been many things on top of the wine cabinet over the years: reptilian, amphibious, feline, and memorably, avian, in nature. But this definitely takes the biscuit, as the first occasion something phallic been perched atop the cabernets and merlots.
I was dimly aware, as I slumbered early this morning, of a banging that sounded vaguely like gunfire, but which I know is actually fire crackers. I chose a few precious extra moments in bed, rather than getting up to discover the reason for the crack-of-dawn explosives.
Later, I came downstairs ready to start the day, and was confronted by the enormous penis staring at me from the top of the wine cabinet. I looked at it in puzzlement for a few minutes, before calling Shrimp, with words you just don’t ever expect to come out of your mouth, other than with really difficult customers: “honey, there’s a giant d*** in the bar?”.
Shrimp explains that it’s part of a spirit ceremony Crab had this morning to celebrate her new boyfriend-husband, and to bless their union and our business. Crab’s new boyfriend-husband is a bit of a catch, and a vast improvement on the inappropriately named Lucky.
After checking out http://www.exoticindiaart.com/article/shivalinga/ I discovered the willy is actually an ancient Hindu shiva lingam.
the lingam is believed to be one of the most potent emblems in Hindu ideals. the symbol of Shiva’s manhood
In this regard it must also be stressed here that though Shiva is visualized as an ithyphallic deity, his true message is not a licence to licentiousness.
So don’t anybody get any ideas…
The linga is not just the organ of generation, but a sign of the progenitor and the essence of cosmic manhood manifested in the microcosm. By worshipping it we are not merely deifying a physical organ, but recognizing a form that is both eternal and universal
Crikey, who knew all this was going on of a morning.