Here is the continuation of the story of my foolish efforts to stop our neighbour, Aunty Face, burning plastic. If you want to know the background to this story, read it here .

As I approach Aunty Face’s shop cum restaurant cum beauty salon cum shack, she is nowhere to be seen. Her niece calls her in from the riverbank where she is tending her makeshift garden of papaya and beans.

Her surprise at seeing me in her house is evident, and also written across her face is a flash of anxiety – it’s possible she thinks I’ve heard about the chocolate incident and in a bull-headed farang fashion have come to reprimand her.

Actually, I have come in a bull-headed farang attempt to control another individual’s behaviour, something you never do unless you are more powerful than them, no matter how much it impacts your life.

In my faltering, halting Thai I clumsily explain the problem with the plastic, lots of pointing, miming of fire, choking and plenty of “excuse me” and “sorrys” on my part. I see her thought pattern clearly, the offense she tries to hide at my cheek, which she quickly covers up, pretending to be acquiescing and apologizing.

I think she blames her husband.  I am used to this sweet, can’t do enough for you Thai face, it conceals the other infinitely more pissed off one which this culture never permits you show.

As I leave, I feel awkwardness that I have caused her offense, anxiety about how she will deal with it, and resolve to make amends. But on balance I think it was worth the asking, versus years of inhaling burning plastic.  As I cross the precarious wooden plank to the main bridge she points at her barbeque and asks if it’s ok.  I don’t think she’s being sarcastic.

I don’t know it yet, but that’s the last time she will speak to me for two years. We will pass each other daily in the street and she will look straight through me and pretend I don’t exist for two straight years for the misdemeanour of asking her to stop burning plastic, until eventually one day she just miraculously starts talking to me again.

Shrimp says it’s because by offering to combine our rubbish I have tried to lord it over her and show off that I am so rich I can pay for her rubbish. This means I have made her lose face by saying she is poor, and probably dirty too.

Quite a remarkable sequence of events when viewed with western logic. But not when you understand fully (which I don’t) the concept of face in Thailand. Face affects every aspect of Thai culture and is the most important defining social concept.

Losing face is a terrible thing to happen to anyone, resulting in a loss of status, humiliation, and embarrassment. Retaliation from those who have lost face is a dangerous and in some cases lethal sight to behold. And so everybody tries to maintain the outer illusion that everything is perfect.

Nobody criticises or questions anyone else, what they do or why. Doing so might cause them offense, and if they were doing something wrong, loss of face, which could then be dangerous for everybody. This partially explains why kids in Thailand don’t ask questions.

When they are told something in school to question the teacher, or even to say they didn’t understand would infer they were saying the teacher was inferior and result in he or she losing face. The child would then be responsible and probably punished accordingly for the teacher’s loss of face.

This also explains why things that blatantly make no sense, laws that are unfair, programs that don’t work, building projects, political systems and business that are failing, all stay in place. To say anything is wrong, would infer blame on someone who would then lose face and that would be dangerous.

Better to pretend everything is always okay and working, even if it’s flagrantly not. This is one of the hardest concepts for farang to grasp in Thailand, coming as we do from a culture which exists on constant analysis and assessments, where efficiency and streamlining are the ultimate gods.

In Thailand maintaining face is the ultimate collective aim which goes a long way to explain why Thais are so unfailingly polite and the country is indeed the land of smiles. It also goes a long way to explain why Thailand can be an incredibly frustrating place to live and work for the farang desensitised to the subtle nuances of face by western culture.

And it also means that when the lid comes off this carefully maintained facade, when those long harboured slights and petty indiscretions are exposed, fireworks ensue. As the statistics showing out of all the countries in the world, this peaceful Buddhist nation is ranked first in the world for percentage of its annual deaths being by gun, and has the third highest number of gun deaths per capita in the world [1] , behind only South Africa and Colombia, attest to. Face, in Thailand is an issue to live, and die, by.

Today there are  more black bin bags piled up in the old tree trunk Aunty Face uses to burn her rubbish – so that was a successful operation then.  I will have to resort to plan B, complete evacuation of the area or a bank of fans on Clear Sky as she sleeps.

It is one of the great contradictions of moving to paradise; the outdoor lifestyle, palm trees, and sun are counterbalanced by a continuous struggle for clean air, water and food.

Related posts:

1. About Face

The best bits of Thailand that aren’t in any guidebooks, and are passed on by word of mouth alone; discover the secret hotspots no one wants you to know about.

For many seasoned travellers and backpackers Thailand is old hat. Having been a popular tourism destination for more than twenty years, Thailand is now suffering somewhat from a perceived lack of exoticism and a distinctly ‘mainstream’ over-touristy feel.

The result is many travellers are reluctant to tread the well-worn backpacker trail around the standard tourist spots. But in reality Thailand has some incredible off-the-beaten-track places very few people know about, and which offer amazing, authentic Thai experiences for those in the know.

Here are some of the best kept secrets:

Koh Phayam

Off the Andaman coast of Thailand, Koh Phayam is a spectacular island which has remained off the mainstream tourist trails for a surprisingly long time. The island’s jump off point is close to Ranong and it has views of the beautiful Burmese archipelago which lies directly to its north.

The sleepy little island is a retreat for many people who enjoy its broad white beaches, shady trails, and funky bungalow operations. There are no cars or proper roads, transport is strictly limited to mopeds, and it can only be reached by old style fishing boats. These facts add both to its old-school charm and pleasant inaccessibility. Travellers who make the effort will be well rewarded by an island which provides a truly Thai beach experience.

Talay Noi

One of the most spectacular sights in southern Thailand, Talay Noi is a vast wetland and lake spanning 457 square kilometres and providing sanctuary to some 187 species of birds. The huge lake can be explored by longtail boat, and is absolutely breathtaking in its scale.

Visitors can see hundreds of buffalo wading through the wetlands, while local fishermen work the waters, or explore the incredible flora and fauna. The village of Talay Noi is a quaint, old-style Thai town, largely untouched by tourism, and has a wide range of handmade woven products on offer, which are made by the local people.

Chiang Dao

If you’ve tired of the commercial areas surrounding Chiang Mai and Pai in northern Thailand, why not take a two hour bus journey to Chiang Dao for some of the best kinds of northern Thai magic. Chiang Dao is a quiet little town with a spectacular backdrop of limestone mountains, and a stunning national park.

The rolling hills, characteristic of the area, make for a relaxing and beautiful retreat, and standard backpacker accommodation is available in the town. Chiang Dao also makes a great base point for trekking and exploring the waterfalls and peaks of the area, and has a weekly market where local hill tribe people come to sell their handicrafts.

Doi Mae Salong

The stunning location of Doi Mae Salong is its main attraction, nestled as it is within a short distance of both the Laos and Burmese borders. Until recently the town was fairly inaccessible and that has meant it has remained a well-kept secret.

Doi Mae Salong has a fascinating history as an isolated guard point for the Thai border and had a strategic part to play in the Vietnam War. It was also renowned as the former central point for the notorious opium trade of the golden triangle.

Nowadays the town boasts chilled out resorts, and a thriving hill tribe population of Akha people. Tourists can be prepared for a warm welcome, a fascinating taste of hill tribe culture, Thai history, and a delicious exploration of the many tea plantations.

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